“Tell me who you hang with and..."

"...I’ll tell you who you are.” There’s this phrase I often heard growing up, “Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres.” That never quite sat right with me. And it would typically be used in a negative context, making you guilty of what another did or didn’t do by mere association.

As with most things, there’s usually SOME truth to them. For behaviors and more can be a reflection or just contagious. But overall, it is lazy thinking. And what’s the alternative? Only hanging with people who are exactly like you? Or people with an absolutely pristine history and of untainted purity? Now what would THAT make you?

What if you’re the kind of person who not only is drawn by similarities but also by differences? Because you’re intrigued and fascinated by them (and because you’re not completely obsessed with only yourself and what you’re like). It enriches you and it expands your horizons while also developing both tolerance and communication. What if you just have a lot of friends of many kinds?

Clearly, there would be some deal breakers that would have you prefer to stay away from a sort of person. Not only because of what it would do to your image, but because you shouldn’t even be able to smoothly stomach the sort of things that they do or don’t do and would not endorse them. Not to mention that, what they do to others, might be done to you too. But people simply being on different paths and/or on different steps of the journey? Are you supposed to turn your back on all of them merely because of that?

Being hypervigilant of and nitpicking your friends’ traits, stances, and opinions for them all to be ‘correct’ or ‘appropriate’ doesn’t quite make you a great friend. You gotta give them some leeway to breathe and to be and become. You may be motherly, but you’re not - literally - everybody’s mom.

So relax, don’t worry so much. You can make friends, hang around those friends, and be seen with those friends. If they’re good friends, that’s what matters. Forgivable mistakes and shortcomings are only that. And if anyone is trying to conflate who you are with who they are, you can ignore it or exhort them to get to know people more individually, as you have your own sins and they have theirs.