Did you do Wrong?

It happens. Whether it was merely a human mistake or you were being lousy, dirty, or downright vile. But once it happens, what do you do to make it right? Many remain in blissful ignorance or in stubborn denial, and continue with their fragmented and distorted reality. The rest? There are 5 steps, for better or for worse, that might be taken.

• Acknowledging the Wrong
This is simply recognizing what you did or didn’t do. It is an essential first step for awareness and improvement, but it doesn’t make it right. Some of the most horrible people linger here, enjoying the harm they consciously do to others or being apathetic about it while fully knowing about it. In their twisted ways, it may even be a way for them to brag about what they’ve gotten away with. To naive onlookers, this is already a good sign or even enough.

• Apologizing for the Wrong
Now, apologizing is another step in a good direction (or so it would seem). It does show that ego, if it was ever an issue, was put aside, or even deflated, to be humble enough to treat another as at least an equal, deserving of consideration. However, it still doesn’t make it right. And you must be wary about people who are no more than shameless, willing to continually humiliate themselves, just so they can keep doing the same.

• Refraining from the Wrong
This is where real progress can begin. There is sufficient restraint or profound change, preferably the latter as the former is bound to give out (and revert to the same or more atrocious ways). But in either case, there’s effort and investment. I wish I could say that, beyond doubt, this much makes a person trustworthy, but there’s still a chance they are no more than covert, adjusting and upgrading their mask. However, if that isn’t the case, it can lead to character development.

• Mending the Wrong
It is not just about you and whether you become someone worthwhile or not. Maybe you did cause actual damage or waste. Someone with accountability and kindness would offer to make amends or get to them without delay. In comparison, someone lacking in those traits is likely to disappear or avoid who they wronged at all costs. It may get so absurd (or truly severe) that they’d be treated as if they were the most terrifying creature in existence. It is basically running from a debt that must be paid. This is why you should educate yourself and be mindful of others, so your offenses remain minor and can be quickly and easily remedied (or even brushed off).

• Punishment due to the Wrong
This isn’t necessarily the last step. It is not even an always-required step. And it may be a natural and inevitable consequence of your actions (domino effect). But a concerning amount of people leap to it and stick to it as if it is serving a purpose. Sometimes it might, for human nature is complex, and certain humans do need a negative experience and/or memory to better themselves and stay on track. But in most cases, it’s a want. Perhaps they were conditioned to expect punishment, perhaps they enjoy pain, perhaps they’d rather dwell in suffering than do any of the other stuff that matters more. Alternatively, on the other end of it, an abuser would like to keep you there, forever moving the goalpost, so that they can keep exploiting you under the excuse that, at one point, you failed them - regardless of whether you took any of the other steps to turn things around. So that’s something to be watchful of (do not be manipulated through guilt). Furthermore, as something self-inflicted, it may seem harmless but it can be quite dangerous. A person who seeks punishment will do things that elicit it. Steer clear of them if you wish to have a gentle and harmonious life.

Ideally, you would take the steps from 1 to 4 (possibly in that exact order) and there would be no need for the 5th (program yourself to strive for correct or, at the minimum, tolerable behavior instead of just to save yourself from retribution). We’re all messy, though, so you might be more inclined to one or more steps than others while skipping or rushing through them. Nevertheless, you can work on it. If not by yourself, then with the assistance of a qualified therapist.