So you care and you’d like to help. It might not be easy and there’s a chance you’ll encounter resistance or even ungratefulness, but here are a few Dos and Don’t’s anyway.
DO:• Ask them what they need. For one or more reasons they might withhold from telling you. But in case they won’t, it is a good first step. AND do something about it.
• Notice on your own what they need and bring or grant it to them. Without making a big deal about it or expecting to have the same and more given in return. Accept it gracefully if it is refused too.
• Urge them to do and have more of what they want. Needs are primary, but wants are also essential to fulfill at some point. Join and contribute to that if you want as well.
DON’T:• Overexert yourself. You must put or acknowledge the limits on how much you can offer so you will neither cause guilt nor get yourself in a position where you can no longer be of aid.
• Embarrass them. They’re probably dealing with plenty of shame already and it’s not going to solve anything to have more.
• Indulge and coddle beyond reason. This is tricky to measure because some pampering can indeed restore much, but you could probably catch a glimpse of when enough is enough if they take it all for granted, become entitled, and possibly even arrogant about it.
• Ignore their instructions. They might not be whimsical desires but required accommodation for all to run smoothly.
• Tell others that you took care of them unless they consented to it. Yes, truth matters. But so does privacy - especially while one is vulnerable.
As usual, pair all this with more common sense and course correct as you go. Apologies where they are due. Obstinacy too.
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