It was Not Your Fault

While many suffer from a lack of accountability, some suffer from an excess of it. They make themselves responsible for more than they really are. And that can be a burden so heavy that they could break under it.

When I was younger, barely starting to grow up, I felt like an outsider visiting. Back then, I internalized something cruel, that I was told too early, in a way that made me take the blame for everything that happened “due” to my existence. And seeing how cause and effect works, and how directly and indirectly we are all connected. I could trace mostly anything back to me and it became A LOT. I would believe that, if I hadn’t been around, whatever bad that happened wouldn’t have happened. It took me many years of undoing that to allow myself to take up space and emit ripples.

So now I’m here to tell you that the lousy or awful ways that people choose to act and react about, around, for, and “because” of you, while you’re being benign and basically just doing your thing, are not your responsibility. There is only so much that is within your hands and trying to have more of it would then make you controlling or even manipulative. Other people’s bad behaviors are not your fault if you did not induce and foster them. The tendencies they have are theirs. You do not need to take their sins as yours.

Even if people blame you, because, when something terrible enough happens, reason and compassion aren’t to be found, the blame may not be yours. Also, some are just eager to point fingers. Were you supposed to be omniscient and omnipresent? You can’t be that. Even if you devote your entire life to developing the finest and most sophisticated foresight, there are simply things that you cannot (and should not) micromanage for them to go perfectly or at least smoothly.

This is not meant for those with no accountability who’d like more excuses to have even less of it. You leave a trail of destruction everywhere you go and pass through. I’m speaking to those who’ve taken upon themselves more than they ought to because they are genuinely kind and sensitive to others’ pain and suffering.

When something horrible happens, you can lend a hand, see how you can ease their troubles, and let them process and handle what they must. Likewise, if it has affected you too, take care of yourself as well. It might take you some time (and active restoring), so don’t expect to be your bright and bubbly self again too soon (and you can ignore anyone who does).