13th Valentine

   

Quite late to the party, but better late than never! It was Friday the 13th yesterday, in February, which means today is Valentine's Day - with a twist. This, at least for me, flavors it with some horror. So here I am to commemorate it.

If you've answered yes to any or all of the above, you can count yourself in as a potential protagonist in a Dark Romance story. Me? I can answer yes to all, of course. Remember, everyone, it's about the content of the character, the compatibility, and the history you have or can make together.

Happy (belated) Friday the 13th before Valentine's!

(And shout out to those who were there for the worm reference! IYKYK.)

Clone > Robot

I'd just like to clarify, that while I wouldn't be, in any serious measure, emotionally invested in a robot (non-living, spirit-less, and such being) and cannot, would not even if I could, relate to people who are, it is not the same when it comes to clones!

What do you mean, the original is gone and I befriended the clone? Okay, idgaf, that's my buddy now!

Love to you, whether you're a clone or not, or merely accused of such. If you're that wonderful person I've known you as, then that's more than enough. 💕

This raises so many existential questions, but let's just leave it at that for now...

Not my S.O.

I’m sooo looking forward to having an overly possessive and jealous partner so that I can be overly possessive and jealous back (granted that we treat each other great and it’s ~within reason~) and finally stop being bothered with all these lukewarm, half-assed, bare-minimum, or WORSE type of relationships that I keep being offered.

Give up. Move on. You treat(ed) me lightly. I ain’t it. You ain’t it.
At most, we’re meant to be good pals. ‘Cause Significant Other is not the case.

(PS: I'm diagnosing most of you with insanity.)

Communication is Key, However...

Is love, or at least care, there? There is a huge difference between being with someone who is willing to learn about you, understand you, meet you in the middle (or even a few steps further), figure out how to be there for you, and put forward what they can offer you AND being with someone who wouldn’t bother with it if they had the option. It might not be enough.

There are so many guides and pieces of advice all around, about how to make someone fall for you and/or do what you want or need them to do, that lead away from genuine bonds and connections. Do they work? Well, they do, if an empty or even fake relationship is something you’re fine with or even looking for.

However, if that’s not what you’re aiming at, you should steer clear of any tactics and strategies that ask you to behave in a desperate manner (begging, manipulating, forcing) for the illusion of ‘having’ someone with you. Relationships do take work, rarely do they smoothly and perfectly click together without any issue, not to mention trial and error, but you ought to watch where it’s coming from.

Are they drawn to you? Do they appreciate you? Would they consider you? And likewise, are you drawn to them, do you appreciate them, would you consider them? As a person, not merely as somebody to fill that role of granting you a relationship or certain benefits that come with it? Is this compelling to put in the effort?

In the best of cases, there may be misunderstandings. One or both of you may be having an off or low day. Possibly, something happened that caused a block or perhaps exhaustion. Therefore, the popularized phrase, albeit quite useful, “if they wanted to, they would,” doesn’t always apply. So you can’t always expect an eagerness to respond. Nonetheless, you often can still tell when somebody cares and, under different circumstances, would gladly show up for you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re obligated to stick around, that’s a decision to make, but the more you know...

When the willingness is there (and it is not terribly obstructed somehow), communication is easier. The undivided attention and the attentive listening aren’t things you have to repeatedly fight for. Your words don’t get frequently misconstrued for the worst. You are not ‘too needy’ for expressing what you require to be and remain close to them. You are in this together, not against each other.

Unfortunately, this is not the norm, but an ideal that you’re fortunate to find if you do. Emotional maturity and responsibility don’t come by that often. And that’s without getting into compatibility and the odds of it. 

Many give up and, despite their wishes, settle for less. But if that seems unbearable to you, making being alone preferable, then keep your standards.

A Gray Rock?

The gray rock method is an effective defense against abusers who seek to get a rise out of you and basically have control over your emotions in order to wreck your system or just do as they please with it.

It is also, however, something that can be employed when you're sick and tired of the emotional rollercoasters and prefer to have some stability. Stay out of 'drama'.

It may have little or nothing to do with how emotional you really are. In fact, you may have a very rich emotional world, but found out the hard way that it draws a lot of people in. People who are careless, reckless, or just not apt to get anywhere near it. So you 'block it out'.

Yes, being vulnerable and expressive is an artist's thing. Typically. But some people, artistic as well, are more reserved and require more quiet and stillness.

If someone looks like a "gray rock", that could be it, using this method. But who knows, it might be something else. Like being empty, numb, or tough enough to handle prickling and such.

Use your DAMN HEAD! But also your Heart

Oversimplifying the overly complex but, hopefully, you get what I mean.

There's often such pointless fighting over whether or not one was logical or emotional, then going all the way to one side or the other. Guys. You're fighting the wrong enemy here. At least when it comes to building community and the like, you ought to use your head along with your heart. How many awful and even horrible things occur because people were too freakin' set on sending logic out the window? You need it to build solid, firm, and durable structures. You need this structure to sustain your well-being.

It's parasites you should be worried about. And, ultimately, disempower.

"I'm Fine."

May you heal from things you’d rather not speak about.

It can be challenging, and a particular type of struggle, to recover when you’re stuck between needing to open up but not wanting to, needing to be seen but not wanting to, and needing to be helped but not wanting to. I’ve been there and, with certain matters, still am.

Whether you’ve been horribly wronged, associated with somebody who’s terribly wrong, or anything that’s causing you any form of pain and suffering that you did not deserve, that is a heavy burden to carry.

So, for what it’s worth, and while trying to expose you the least, I’ll only remind you that not everybody is a monster, that you are not completely surrounded by monsters, and that there are still people around with a genuine sense of justice and fairness. They would be appalled, disgusted, and probably even enraged by what you are going through or had to go through.

Many of us are in situations that force us to rush and be stingy, without much room to think and feel for others, occupied with ourselves and our own matters. But even when circumstances make us selfish or merely self-serving, many of us are not vile and cruel to the point of going out of our way to harm others. We’re simply too busy to show all the care that you should rightfully receive.

None of this is to guard from blame and skip both shame and guilt, as we all should aspire to be the best human beings that we can be (and create and maintain environments that allow us to be so), but to try to keep darkness from engulfing you when it might seem as though goodness doesn’t and won’t exist.

Go at it at your pace, how it suits you, and may you find all the support you require to get well...

More Hustling? No, Tea Time!

It is wild that despite everything, all the troubles and the horrors of the world, I was expecting to have another busy day today, tending to chores, errands, and other tasks. Well, no. I refuse. And you should, too, if you're due for a break.

Move and/or remove work from your schedule. Take it easier today. Or even take the whole day off. Have some calming tea. Slow down. Regain some peace. Come back to your body and breathe. Things can wait.

Take care of yourself today. Find some relaxation and, if you can also manage, some joy. Whether that's alone or in company. You deserve it. 

Get back to work later on.

Valentine Month

February is here!
It’s Valentine time.
You can expect an emphasis on care-related content.

Artists Amidst Political Crises

Art is political. It is. Especially when it is being suffocated to death by a regime that cares more about image and control than they do about truth and freedom. Suddenly, you’re painting outside the lines because you can barely breathe while painting within them. And what you do starts and/or joins movements. Or not.

Yet, quite understandably, not every artist can be all in with politics. Some artists build their platforms and audiences for it, and are overall more prepared to confront issues and handle controversy, while others… not so much. And in numerous ways, they may be valid and even indispensable too.

However, there comes a point when acting as though nothing is going on and you can simply continue to do as you normally do doesn’t work. It doesn’t land well. Rightfully so, you’d be called tone-deaf and asked to read the room. And failure or refusal to do so speaks of your stance or lack thereof. Proceeding as regular would backfire, and you would be viewed as selfish, cruel, or just irritating. So you must find what degree of acknowledgement and participation suits you to be able to do what you best do as an artist.

You can think of it in levels. From the least to the most that an artist can do to stand for the right causes (and be on the right side of history). Maybe you can only do level 1 or 2, but that’s still better than zero. Aim for level 3 and higher, though. 5 and beyond put you in the hardcore ally category. 10 can be risky but legendary, stay safe!
0 - Proceed as normal, as though nothing is going on.
1 - Secretly contribute to the affected and/or those tending to them. (This can come to light later.)
2 - Sneakily/subtly create and perform art that addresses problems or pain areas.
3 - Make a clear statement declaring your support and sympathies before moving on to your art.
4 - Focus exclusively on bringing forth artworks that are of significant assistance. (Illuminating, empowering, etc.)
5 - Share guides and references as needed.
6 - Rock the boat with news and more every now and then.
7 - Promote initiatives to accelerate progress.
8 - Embark on projects specifically to gather resources and other forms of aid for it.
9 - Be outspoken about your views and opinions on stage, during interviews, and more.
10 - Be personally active in protests and the like.

Keep in mind that, depending on how you have established yourself, people will be expecting more or less from you. E.g. You’ve positioned yourself as caring about this or that and then turn your back on it when it is under attack/in danger? THE HYPOCRISY. Not cool. Furthermore, your solidarity will be measured based on your ability to be solidary.

Let’s say that you sincerely wish to be a force of good but you, quite frankly, barely have a clue or are confused about how to go about it. What is appropriate and what is inappropriate? What is right and what is wrong? What is correct and what is incorrect? In such a case, the best that you can do is invest in getting properly informed and educated. And if that is going to take a while, consider announcing, in your words, that you’re looking into it and hope to soon know how to proceed, so that you won’t be mistaken as indifferent.

Perhaps you can’t shake off the fear, anxiety, worries, and whatnot. But you really don’t want to be paralyzed. Look for other artists who are already getting involved. They can show you that you are not alone or even how it could be done. The more you find that have already taken the first steps, the easier it will be for you to take yours. Nevertheless, you would benefit from eventually emboldening yourself to be less reluctant to make a difference.

Practice makes perfect and done is better than perfect. Don’t let perfectionism cripple you. Putting in the effort matters, whether it is appreciated or not. And if you make a mistake, you can go back on it, apologize for it, correct it, and compensate for it if you must. Don’t stagnate in a corner; get out there, even if you have to begin with baby steps.