A Being of Light? Me? BARELY!

I figure, with how pissed off I get at injustices, corruption, and other character failures and shortcomings, that some may be wondering why I keep insisting that I'm not really a Justice Warrior. The thing is, I'm THIS pissed off because I'm not even asking for stellar exemplary behavior, I'M ONLY EXPECTING THE BARE F***ING MINIMUM OF DECENCY. And too many of you won't even do that. And go around acting and/or speaking as if what I'm asking for is too much or even impossible. WTF. DO BETTER. Or stay the heck away from me and everyone who deserves better. Beings of Pure Light, I adore them, but their hustle is not something I can keep up with. While they're rectifying and practicing what they preach, I truly just wanna punch a motherf***er unconscious or out of this planet. I thank them for their work, because we all know we terribly need it. Meanwhile, however, I'm trying not to have my blood boiling too often and for too long.

From the Bottom Up

It's becoming a (self-imposed) mandatory act to bring back old posts whenever I end up going over something that's tied to it. And these days I've been listening to Imagine Dragons' music again. (Still love it, what can I say? Though the 'cynicism' I currently have does ruin the enjoyment to a significant extent.)

I got to post, on here, 2 times. Elsewhere? Who knows? I don't remember. All I remember is that I did listen to many of their songs back then, over and over again, and could also be personally fond of the name they picked for themselves. It really spoke to me.

So, what did I have to say around 10 years ago?

August 29th, 2015. A spontaneous media appreciation post. It's an icky song, but I'm glad and relieved this has been put into words.

June 12th, 2016. Another media appreciation post. The last paragraph got me thinking now. And maybe it should have been worded differently. Or maybe not. But I like to view it as the link to what we were before all the programming, conditioning, and "maturing", more like rust, got to us. I also seem to have been under the impression then that everyone is 'good' by default, or at least blank. I don't believe that anymore. Some of you demons are born and stay demons (just with more elaborate/intricate guises). It is what it is, though. But to clarify, and as I usually say, to those with enough humanity: Stay yourself, but WORK on yourself. We're here to learn, develop, and evolve.

"Botando el Golpe"

I'm so 'traumatized' by this decade's let-downs that I'm now wondering if some off-the-wall, unbelievably wild, occurrence will interfere with plans to have a good time, even with someone who has never in their entire life said, "I'll take a plane/bus/car there so we can hang out!" and not shown up. Something might happen, indeed, because it's life, but... Tsk, tsk. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves.

Same but Worse

August 16th, 2015. A reflective post. Looking around, I am compelled to add the disclaimer that, "Hell, no, not to this extent it ain't my favorite." But here we are. In the middle of deeply catalytic events. Somebody asked for more witchyness? 

Off Forever?

I’ve been mulling this over and seem to have finally reached a conclusion I can stand on. It’s no news that I can’t do fake-politeness and pretend at fondness and such. But it also looks like I cannot overstate just how fundamental it is for me to be able to have trust and faith in those I surround myself with. I can only go on for so long believing, “Hey, this person has done this and that, so maybe they’re great and I’m safe with them.” There comes a point where there’s just not enough or nothing there for me to justify or even make sense of my involvement with them. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll cut them out in every sense, but hanging out with them will no longer be. And in some cases, it’s like it’s what they were manifesting anyway. I could subject myself to the torture of continuing this nonsense, but I’d much rather not. And fortunately, there’s not a financial reason for me to be obligated to. Yet, despite how bitter all this may sound, I’ll still (joyfully whenever possible) be doing my work, which may benefit both those I can consider close and those I do not. Furthermore, as always, credit where credit is due, regardless of what’s personally in between, when the time comes, and unless anonymity is preferred. But for the rest of the time? I’m too much of a recluse to deal with any more of this BS. Let me do my work in peace and try not to be too huge pieces of sh*t here or elsewhere. ✌

I Thought It Was Supposed to be Orange?

Maybe even orange-yellow? But no, it's yellow. This was throwing me off, so I never posted these pictures before. But now I don't know. Maybe it was onto something all along? Today, in crazy RL foreshadowing from around 3 years ago. IYKYK. 💛

(Off I go again...)

May Continues to be OFF…

Still out. But I figure I owe more information about it, to those few who are closely keeping up with me and my stuff, and now that I’m more able to form words, here they come!

• I wanted to see Michael this month, but I’ll have to move that.
• I wanted to finish adding about Wonka this month, but I’ll also have to move that.
• I wanted to keep regularly posting on Sundays, but I’ll indeed also have to move that.

I require this break. Not merely being mute or reducing interactions, but being as disconnected as I can be to return to myself and replenish myself as I ought to. I was fortunate to miraculously have something I could ‘fall back’ on that’d make this not only easier, but much more effective. However, it is still looking like I’ll be needing plenty of time. I want to say all of May, and not extend it beyond, but we’ll see.

Do I feel guilty about it? Losing the streak and whatnot. Sometimes, yes. But I did say it. That this year and many months before it have been rough. That if that one thing happened, I would have to retreat for a possibly long while - and it happened. So now I’m retreating. It is not punishment and it is not manipulation. It is simply what my psyche and the mass around it now demand.

And I’m not going to lie, it has been tempting to hate everyone and everything all of a sudden. As though part of the natural reaction that leads to pulling away and avoiding further harm. But worry not, if you deserve better, I’ll make the due distinctions as I regain my clarity. Meanwhile, I ask that you be understanding of my withdrawal of energy and such.

This means that, no, I’m not really checking messages. Not most of them, anyway. If they won’t sit there long enough, then I’ll forever miss them. I will check them once I have space to hold them again. I’m only keeping in touch with a few people during this period. I occasionally get curious and check on more, but I shouldn’t if I am to make progress with this recovery. Please don’t take it personally, especially if you KNOW I love and adore you. Just gotta do what I gotta do to get through this.

I repeat: Take care and be well!
(Besides, I believe y’all could use some time together without me being in the way!)

MAY OFF!

I'm taking May off. Won't even have Sunday posts popping up on their own. The usual will resume in June. Take care and be well!

Long Forgotten Color Palettes for Costumes

March 8th, 2014. Excerpt from a reference post. Speaking of colors... I did the post-apocalyptic cosplay (first palette) but never got to do the faerie cosplay (second palette). Or did I? Hm. 🙊

I'm afraid I don't carry that much magic anymore. But I don't believe it is a lost cause either. Probably just ought to tune in more often and for longer, with a stronger forcefield around me. Thank you, again, so much, to those who bring it back - even amidst hellscapes. I needed that.

The Artist's RPG / It's The Universe Speaking

I’ve always loved the idea that we are a way for the universe to know (and express) itself. And if that is the case, then artists might be especially suited for that. Being overqualified vessels and vias through which existence flows. As they, when genuine, are outstandingly sensitive to what is around and what is within and can expertly craft a resemblance, even if some only tune into certain aspects while others tune into certain other aspects.

Being such, I’m currently faced with a, let’s say, dilemma in The Artist’s RPG story. Personally, I would like there to be some sort of “Star Committee" guiding affairs and more, composed of legendary artists. But what if that can’t/won’t happen? And these great artists are ultimately only messengers for a blueprint? i.e., They showed what the universe is made of, so you can’t miss it, and now the pieces must be gathered and put together.

You know what I’d prefer. But I let the story carry me when writing… 😔